Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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