i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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