it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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