He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
