do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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