hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
