; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
