i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
