we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
