We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize