suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
