He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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