It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
