I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
