The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
