You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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