Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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