How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
