Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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