Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
