Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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