Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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