woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
