It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Randomize
