Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize