tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
