Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
