i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
