Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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