Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
