i wish my penis had a tongue
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
