Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
