We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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