3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
