His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
