Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
