Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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