he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
