finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
