idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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