im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
