She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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