Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
