We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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