He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
