remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
