I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
