just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
