I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
