Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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