Nicole vs. Life
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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