I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
