he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
