You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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