she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
