I think i peed on brittanys purse
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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